If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
