oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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