$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
