Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
