Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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