he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
