i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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