Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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