Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
