Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
