Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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