Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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