i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
