i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
