How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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