Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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