im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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