3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
