Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.