We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...