I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
