Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time