I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.