Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
