Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go