you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday