that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?