did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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