What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
