At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
