remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
