She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
