Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
