I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
