I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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