Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
