i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
