hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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