If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
