Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize