you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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