Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
