you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
