So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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