Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
