I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
