He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my poor anus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
