Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize