My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
