so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
