If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
