i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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