There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
