but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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