The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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