Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize