I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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