Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
