chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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