Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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