The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
bring money and cleavage
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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