i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
