I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
