i just sent this text using only my big toe
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
