it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
