My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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