i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
