yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
