she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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