awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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