We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We have started to decorate penises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
