Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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