No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
