We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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