if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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