I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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