I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
