Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
