Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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