I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
