So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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