I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
