I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
