Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
