so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
