so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
