if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
